i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
