apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
