I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Couch. On fire.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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