I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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