Apparently you make a good broom.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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