after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
