omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
