If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Acid is not a monday night drug
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
