Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Randomize
