You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
