we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize