I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
