Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
