Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
