too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
