There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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