I want to stick my p in your. b.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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