i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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