dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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