I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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