i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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