I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
