We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
