they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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