Just cropdusted the office
that's an acceptable place to lick
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
