did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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