I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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