As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
