im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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