I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
