So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
