If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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