After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
