I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This is my gift to your gina
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
