A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
