I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
