I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
