oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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