He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
