The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize