I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
