I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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