Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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