I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize