He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
whose parrot is this?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
