So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
