You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
