umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
