Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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