i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
