I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
