i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize