I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
