Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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