Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
