p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
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