Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
