I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
