once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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