So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
