You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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