I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
