The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
