Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
