Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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