and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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