Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
