She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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