do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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