she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My bed smells like the plague
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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