Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
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