You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
