We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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