My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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