I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize