Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
