Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
