I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
