did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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