I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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