Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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