I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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