He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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