im drinking this country out of the recession.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
