If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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