It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
