After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
