So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
