You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
