Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
