If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
