uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
