I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
