Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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