it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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