apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
