She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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