do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
