He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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