i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
